Abney Park

I found them in a small corner of Abney Park, among the tumbled down tombstones and the overgrown graves, just off from the main path. Fresh bark chippings had been strewn over the narrow walkways that linked the rows of broken plots. They crunched softly and satisfyingly under foot.

One grave held their attention. Time had long since exhausted the stonework and the memory of the loved one who rested only now existed in the printed sheets of research from genealogy websites. Their interest was historical but it was still about belonging.

Two of the small group appeared to be related; they had a familial sensitivity and seemed to be taking the most interest in the moss covered inscriptions. A third, slightly older and perhaps a little more reticent, held back slightly stooped and neutral but her knitted woollen hat sat amiably on her head like a tea cosy. This was what caught my eye; a small detail can be so charming and endearing.

I approached her and we struck up a conversation. Her name was Jane. They were there as a group foraging for a lost relative, a great great grandfather to the two cousins Henrietta and Mark who had been most interested in the headstones and had travelled down from the midlands to spend the weekend there. But it was Jane’s referencing of ‘being here with my partner’, indicating to Henrietta, that provided the most charming revelation.

 Jane and Henrietta have been together for over 30 years. They met at Henrietta’s church where she was deacon at the time; she caught the eye of Jane who while otherwise married with children, had lived a life closeted from her true sexuality in much the same way so many people have done in the less enlightened past. Henrietta commented that the Church at that time was a little more ‘sniffy’ about sexuality than it is now but I pondered that perhaps certain elements of it might still be.

Jane and Henrietta built a life together. Jane’s husband and children in equal measure blessed the union, an outcome that I imagine can still not be taken for granted now.

We’ve come a long way.